This is bliss..
I am sitting on my super king size bed, with lappie on my lap, watching 'hot fuzz' on dvd, while at the same time enjoying 1/3rd pint of haagen-dazs's Macadamia Nut ice-cream.
Oh, and writing this entry too!!
We girls do know how to multi-task, ayyy??
I am so in love with Simon Pegg, the actor who played 'Shaun' in Shaun of the Dead, and 'Sergeant Angel' in Hot Fuzz. There's something about him, I just don't know why. I was telling my sis how i thought he was oh so cute, but my sis gave her 'your taste in men is so weird, sis' talk again. Hahaha... But seriously, he's so cute lookin....
Had an early morning chat with Dave this morning. He seemed tired, so it was not really an interesting chat to say the least. But it was nice to see him online, cos i do miss him!!
Oh well.... I have nothing in particular to write at the moment. So I shall be fixating my eyes on 'simon pegg' for the moment.
Will write something really soon!! =)
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
When I Think/Worry Too Much
Today's been one hell of a day. Well, half hell of a day!!
Was actually managing my time really well, waiting for my turn in Court, to appear before the judge. Parked my car at 8.15 am, in the courtroom by 8.30am, waited for my turn until 11.45 am! The agony! The misery! Can't seem to describe it right now. Let's just say that after my drive back to the office, I am now experiencing a splitting headache. Might be due to the unbearable heat outside. But also might be due to me being pissed for waiting too long.
Sometimes it's hard to manage your time well. Especially so when you are in this kind of profession, where half of the day's gone, just waiting. Stupid!
And coming back into the office is even worse. Imagine going into your room, with stacks of files on your table for you to deal with. So not good, so not good!
Okay, I might be running off from the topic that I have decided to write in here for today's entry, but that's just me venting my frustration.
Anyhoo, got this idea of writing this whilst waiting for my turn to say 'hello' to the Judge this morning, so I guess the wait is not all that bad, ya?? And thanks to my ex-colleague, Wallace, for the long and interesting conversation. If it was not for him, I'd end up looking at all the defects found in the Courtroom (Heck, I might just list down all of it to be submitted to the authorities for a review, haha).
Coming back to the topic that i'd wanted to write.
Last night I had this unusual dream. It was kind of unusual in a way, but it made me realise how i see my life, myself.
I dreamt that I was chosen as a lead in a play. I worked my a** off, going for rehearsals and attending to everything (from the wardrobe, props, you name it) to ensure that it runs smoothly. But a day before the actual play, i was told that my acting skills are no longer needed.
You see, the sponsor of the so-called play decided to replace me with another actress. Reason?? 'I am so sorry Hanis. But they feel that they need someone who similarly reflects the character. Lookwise, she's the right candidate'.
Whaaaat??!!
After toiling and putting myself into shit to make the play work, this was their answer? But somehow, I didn't protest loudly. But rather, I just accepted the fact that they had discarded me like this sort of junk that's of no value.
Immediately after that, I woke up.
And it dawned on me.
I never, for all of my life living, ever appreciated myself, or see myself worthy. NEVER.
Most of the time, I'd be worrying about how others would think about me. I would try my best to accomodate to other people's needs, and neglected my own. Especially when that person is someone that i love so very much.
It's bad, the arrangement. I always end up being hurt and vengeful.
And the worse thing that I found out?
That even in my dreams, I still feel insecure.
*sigh*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things that I need right now :
My bed, my sanity, him, sleep, food!!
I am going off in a bit. Not feeling my usual self.
Was actually managing my time really well, waiting for my turn in Court, to appear before the judge. Parked my car at 8.15 am, in the courtroom by 8.30am, waited for my turn until 11.45 am! The agony! The misery! Can't seem to describe it right now. Let's just say that after my drive back to the office, I am now experiencing a splitting headache. Might be due to the unbearable heat outside. But also might be due to me being pissed for waiting too long.
Sometimes it's hard to manage your time well. Especially so when you are in this kind of profession, where half of the day's gone, just waiting. Stupid!
And coming back into the office is even worse. Imagine going into your room, with stacks of files on your table for you to deal with. So not good, so not good!
Okay, I might be running off from the topic that I have decided to write in here for today's entry, but that's just me venting my frustration.
Anyhoo, got this idea of writing this whilst waiting for my turn to say 'hello' to the Judge this morning, so I guess the wait is not all that bad, ya?? And thanks to my ex-colleague, Wallace, for the long and interesting conversation. If it was not for him, I'd end up looking at all the defects found in the Courtroom (Heck, I might just list down all of it to be submitted to the authorities for a review, haha).
Coming back to the topic that i'd wanted to write.
Last night I had this unusual dream. It was kind of unusual in a way, but it made me realise how i see my life, myself.
I dreamt that I was chosen as a lead in a play. I worked my a** off, going for rehearsals and attending to everything (from the wardrobe, props, you name it) to ensure that it runs smoothly. But a day before the actual play, i was told that my acting skills are no longer needed.
You see, the sponsor of the so-called play decided to replace me with another actress. Reason?? 'I am so sorry Hanis. But they feel that they need someone who similarly reflects the character. Lookwise, she's the right candidate'.
Whaaaat??!!
After toiling and putting myself into shit to make the play work, this was their answer? But somehow, I didn't protest loudly. But rather, I just accepted the fact that they had discarded me like this sort of junk that's of no value.
Immediately after that, I woke up.
And it dawned on me.
I never, for all of my life living, ever appreciated myself, or see myself worthy. NEVER.
Most of the time, I'd be worrying about how others would think about me. I would try my best to accomodate to other people's needs, and neglected my own. Especially when that person is someone that i love so very much.
It's bad, the arrangement. I always end up being hurt and vengeful.
And the worse thing that I found out?
That even in my dreams, I still feel insecure.
*sigh*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things that I need right now :
My bed, my sanity, him, sleep, food!!
I am going off in a bit. Not feeling my usual self.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Relieved
Monday.
I hate Mondays. The first day after a two day break. The first day of yet another five day of hell at work. The first day after having fun or just lazing around doing nothing.
But you could say that today's Monday is a diferrent kind of Monday. For me, at least.
Today is suppose to be the day for me to call up my gynae for my pap smear result.
Had one done ten days ago. After my 15 minute consultation with my gynaecologist (which, by the way, made me RM250-00 poorer), her assistant then told me to call the clinic up for the result.
Me : Eh? I thought you guys are suppose to call the patient up? That's the usual practice, non?
Her : Yes, we used to do that. But we only call when the result comes out positive. In a way, it kind of scares the patient receiving the call.
Me : Erm.... Ok. I'll call you in ten days, then.
At first, I didn't quite get what she meant when she said, 'might scare the patient receiving the call'. But after 10 minutes later, whilst waiting for my antibiotics at the pharmacy, I finally understood.
You see, it's the hospital policy that whenever there's bad news, then they'll call the patient. But if your result turns out okay, then they won't bother calling you.
Based on that policy itself, it must've been horrifying to receive calls from the hospital, because only bad news shall be conveyed. So that was it.
I went on with my normal life as usual, until yesterday when I realised that today is actually THE DAY for me to pick up my pap result.
Yikes!!
So yesterday (which, by the way, is a Sunday), I was close to getting a splitting headache worrying about the result that I'm suppose to get today.
And today, after my Court matter, I mustered the courage to pick up the phone and call the clinic. No answer.
Second try, my gynae's assistant's voice could be heard from the other end.
'Hold on dear. let me check', was what her reply to me when I told her I'm calling for my reult.
Line went on hold. I was praying to God for no 'bad news'.
Five minutes later, her voice came in again.
'Hanis. I tried calling you last week, but you didn't answer'.
Yikes!!
'Is something the matter with my result?', I panicked.
'No dear. It's nothing. Your result came out fine. No abnormalities whatsoever on the tissue. So you can come again for your next test in April next year?'
Pheww!!
'Okie. thanks', was what I said, smiling.
The agony is finally over. Now I can rest my head, knowing that everything's fine with my body.
~~
P : R u at home already?
Me : Yes baby. N I can't sleep. Must be the ice-blended.
P : You should get some rest. You have court tomorrow. *mwah*
Me : Okie. Love you... *muahs*
P : Love you too.. Xoxoxo
~~~
He's my reason for smiling. He's my everything.
But why can't i stop thinking about 'him'??
I hate Mondays. The first day after a two day break. The first day of yet another five day of hell at work. The first day after having fun or just lazing around doing nothing.
But you could say that today's Monday is a diferrent kind of Monday. For me, at least.
Today is suppose to be the day for me to call up my gynae for my pap smear result.
Had one done ten days ago. After my 15 minute consultation with my gynaecologist (which, by the way, made me RM250-00 poorer), her assistant then told me to call the clinic up for the result.
Me : Eh? I thought you guys are suppose to call the patient up? That's the usual practice, non?
Her : Yes, we used to do that. But we only call when the result comes out positive. In a way, it kind of scares the patient receiving the call.
Me : Erm.... Ok. I'll call you in ten days, then.
At first, I didn't quite get what she meant when she said, 'might scare the patient receiving the call'. But after 10 minutes later, whilst waiting for my antibiotics at the pharmacy, I finally understood.
You see, it's the hospital policy that whenever there's bad news, then they'll call the patient. But if your result turns out okay, then they won't bother calling you.
Based on that policy itself, it must've been horrifying to receive calls from the hospital, because only bad news shall be conveyed. So that was it.
I went on with my normal life as usual, until yesterday when I realised that today is actually THE DAY for me to pick up my pap result.
Yikes!!
So yesterday (which, by the way, is a Sunday), I was close to getting a splitting headache worrying about the result that I'm suppose to get today.
And today, after my Court matter, I mustered the courage to pick up the phone and call the clinic. No answer.
Second try, my gynae's assistant's voice could be heard from the other end.
'Hold on dear. let me check', was what her reply to me when I told her I'm calling for my reult.
Line went on hold. I was praying to God for no 'bad news'.
Five minutes later, her voice came in again.
'Hanis. I tried calling you last week, but you didn't answer'.
Yikes!!
'Is something the matter with my result?', I panicked.
'No dear. It's nothing. Your result came out fine. No abnormalities whatsoever on the tissue. So you can come again for your next test in April next year?'
Pheww!!
'Okie. thanks', was what I said, smiling.
The agony is finally over. Now I can rest my head, knowing that everything's fine with my body.
~~
P : R u at home already?
Me : Yes baby. N I can't sleep. Must be the ice-blended.
P : You should get some rest. You have court tomorrow. *mwah*
Me : Okie. Love you... *muahs*
P : Love you too.. Xoxoxo
~~~
He's my reason for smiling. He's my everything.
But why can't i stop thinking about 'him'??
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