Remember when I said that there was nothing to write about in this blog of mine?
Today's an exception.
Because today, I had lost my precious cat, Intan.
Things went blurry right after my mum called my sis telling her about my Intan. The only thing I heard was my sis saying 'mati? macam mana boleh mati?' with tears welling in her eyes. I quickly asked her what happened, and she passed her phone to me so that I could have a word with my mum.
There and then I knew something must be terribly wrong with my precious cat.
Wanting to appear calm, I heard my mum's voice on the other line, trying her very best to contain her sadness, but from her voice, I could tell that she was crying.
Intan's dead. There was an accident. Someone hit and run her right in front of my house. And I need to get back as soon as possible because my dad is going to bury her soon.
Tears rolled down as soon as I end the conversation. F**k that I'm in the middle of one utama, I just couldn't care less. The three of us (my brother, sister and I) quickly made our way to the car park to get home. In the car, there was utter silence. No one spoke. The only thing that can be heard was the sniffling coming out from me and my sister.
After the 20 minute drive, we were in front of the house. I could see that my dad had tried his best to cover the blood stains on the road, as the water that he used to clean up the stains were still visible.
As the three of us stepped inside, I could see Intan's body lying helplessly in front of our lawn. Beneath her was an old newspaper and also a black garbage bag used as a sheet. My Intan's dead, and there is nothing that I could do to make her come back.
I hugged my sister, and we both broke down in tears. I felt sad and angry at the same time.
Sad for not holding her today. For not showering her with more love and affection. For not being there when the incident occured. Of all the days that this horrible thing could take place, why today? The day when I decided to sleep in and not opening her cage like I used to every morning? The day when I decided not to feed her, and opted for my sis to do it for me? Why?
Why must she leave me on the day when I am not at home? The day when I decided to spend time outside with my siblings?
I also felt mad for whoever that had hit her, and was too scared to actually help her, and leave her by the side of the road to die. How could that person do that? Doesn't he/she know that the cat might be someone's cat? That if he/she had any kind of compassion in his/her heart to take my Intan to the clinic, things could have been different??
I remembered seeing her at the garage before I head off to one utama for a bowling session. She appeared fine, and was looking at me. I called her once, and decided not to pat her as we were in a rush to get to my brother's place. 'Maybe later when I'm back from OU', was what I told myself. What a stupid decision that was.
I felt Intan's long fur for the last time. Underneath the beautiful black coat, there was no breathing. There was no movement that I always see at her belly. The only thing I felt was her hard, cold body, lying limply and lifeless. Oh god! Why must you take her away from me now? Why??
My dad buried her right on the hill near the house. I miss my Intan.
If only I could tell her how I loved her so.
Baby, rest in peace. Thank you so much for a wonderful 8 years together. Thank you for being there for me in the good times, and the bad. For sharing my joy, and also my tears. For making me laugh, for just being there for me. For keeping all my secrets. For loving me as I am.
I am so sorry for not being there for you when you breathe your last breath. Believe me, if I could turn back time, I would be there. I just want you to know that I'm happy to have you as a pet. You have been a good cat. Ever so kind, and with a good heart.
For the times that I should have been there for you but I couldn't, I am sorry.
For the times when I should have been there for you but too selfish to acknowledge the moment, I am genuinely sorry too. I didn't mean to neglect you. I truly didn't mean to.
I love you, precious. And nothing could change that.
