Entry No. 30

This is my entry no. 30. How cool is that? Not that it's a cause for celebration, but knowing the fact that I still keep my blog running until now is truly an achievement.

Yesterday I had a conversation with P about me wanting a notebook to write down things that occur for the day in order for me to write later. I also think that a notebook would be a good idea since most of the idea that I get about stuffs to write in here would always come suddenly and without warning, at odd times and odd places (hence never in front of the computer).

So this morning as I was heading my way to Court, I was jotting down the one thing that I have to write in here :

My protein shake is so darn yummy!!

Had decided to actually drink protein shake so that my gastric won't go berserk like the one experienced 3 days backs. Was literally bedridden for 2 days, and at the time the only thing i could think of was :

No more laksa!! (cos the episode started after a bowl of laksa at Uncle Lim's)
I miss him
I need him
I hate him
I wanna forget him
Did he forget about me?
Heck I don't wanna be overstraining myself with rpm classes

So yeah, that was how the protein shake routine started off (besides me wanting to lose weight and using protein shake as a meal replacement when feeling ravenous).

P's gone for the weekend. Off to A'Famosa Resort for some team building shit. Doesn't matter. I know he loves me, and the feeling's mutual.

D chatted with me for awhile today, and during that brief moment, my decision in wanting to just forget about him dissappeared. Evaporated into thin air. Like, who am I kidding, right??

Am loving ne-yo's new song, 'go on girl'. It's fab!!

buggering moment

It's Monday, and i feel like sleeping and just do nothing!!

The a/c in my office is so f'ing cold! Am visioning my tits falling off after being frozen by the full blast a/c.

overall, i hate this. Hated it. hated it bits.

If not for the lunch break at 1pm (which, by the way was a bit better the fact that baby came over to accompany me), I would have just pack my stuff and go home! *sigh*

Weekend was as usual. However, had wished that i hadn't gone out with baby yesterday. Felt like just hibernating at home and watch dvd and/or read some books, but who am i kidding at the end? myself i guess. walking outside and having a clearer view of the world is tonnes greater than just cooping up in my room. But somehow, nowadays i tend to get easily annoyed with him. I just dont know why. But i think 50% of the cause could be attributed to me going through my pms state rite now. whaddaya know, huh?

Oh yeah, talking about pms and all that crap, i'm beginning to feel restless with my current condition and/or state. been eating like a pig, sleeping like forever, and worse of all, my boobs are sore! I hope it's just pms, and nothing else. hmmmm.... wonder if i should tell baby about my concerns? but i guess not.

Not until i'm due and it still hasn't arrive....

THEN i should worry...

And until then, I shall let my sore boobies make me cranky, and piss with all the things that's making me pissy (like me not being happy with my state/condition)

bugger!!

The V-Day Surprise

Yesterday night, as I was crying my eyeballs out due to the mixed emotions that came so suddenly (like a batch of destructive tsunami waves that hit Batu Ferringhi), I have vowed to myself never ever again to let my heart out in the open, to be poked and played by insensitive idiots.

This morning, on Valentine’s Day, I quickly told myself (while shampooing in the shower) that I will not be having any expectation as to anything sweet to happen.

So there I was, in court, pondering on what time would be the most suitable for me to walk into the office without so much as having that ‘hopeful’ feeling above my head. In delaying the same, I suggested to myself to head to USJ Taipan to pay for my handphone bill. But that only lasted for 30 minutes. So in the end, I was in my room by noon. And as anticipated, there was nothing in my room that was out of the ordinary. Just stacks and stacks of files on the floor and on my table. *Sigh*.

Come lunchtime an hour later, I decided to reward myself by buying a book at MPH. Browsed the bookstore for nearly a good 45 minutes, then decided to buy two instead of one book as planned! Here are the books :-


Got into the office by 1.40 pm, and still there was no bouquet or anything in sight. ‘He must’ve thought that there’s no need to give me anymore flowers’, I sighed, and proceeded to open the plastic cover of the books that I bought, and began reading Andrew Leci’s ‘Once Removed’.

20 minutes into my reading, I heard a soft knock on the door. Not taking my eyes off the page I was reading, I asked my receptionist to come in. And lo and behold! A bouquet of flowers in her hands! For me! And I knew there and then it was from P.

I quickly read the card that came with it. It was written:-

I was so happy that I was grinning from ear to ear! Quickly I wrote an sms to P:
Me : Baby I just got the flowers! It’s pretty! Erm….what’s 40568308**?
Him : U should have gotten them this morning. You can figure out the meaning…

I looked at the numberings again, and this time I jotted down the numbers to a clean piece of paper. After a good few minutes of pondering, I noticed my hand phone keypad, with certain alphabet assigned to certain numbers. Quickly I deciphered it, and after getting the answer, I sms P.

Me : P…. I finally managed to decipher the code.
I love you too!!! *muahs*

Isn't he a sweetie? I mean, never once did I imagine him being THAT creative in surprising me. He's such a darling..... (For those still in the dark of what '40568308** means, it's just 'I Love You..')

Now I feel guilty for not buying him anything for V day. le sigh. So in order as not to be looked at as an insensitive girlfriend, I quickly went to the DVD shop and bought him 'Rome' the series, both the full 1st and 2nd Season.

Coming back from work and ready for yet another surprise (according to my darling P, but heck of course I knew he already made dinner reservations somewhere nice for V-day!), I quickly wrapped the gift and crossing my fingers (in my head, as I can't possibly do that while wrapping the gift, duh!!) so that he'll love the dvd set and in turn will love me more (bribery,bribery).

Dinner turned out to be at Ciao, the Italian Restaurant that I so wanted to go, and have been pestering P to come with me to experience the food there since last year! It was a nice set valentine menu (they only cook that set specially for the day, so u can't order anything else on their normal menu) which costs P about RM180++ per person! Thank god for the excellent food (if not for the slow service which I find irritatingly unbearable. I mean, how bad can it get, just serving the same thing to a dozen of lovebirds under the candlelight right? They managed to make a big boo-boo blunder with just that! *Sigh*, again)...

Anyhow, dinner then ended around 10.30pm, and now P's starting to wonder whether we should just hang out until midnight, or for him to send me straight home (see, my birthday's a day after V-day). In him being indecisive, i suggested we head to Bangsar so that i could deposit my cheque, and hopefully, to kill time until midnite.

After the cheque deposit chore, we found out that we still have an hour to spare! So I just told him to drive me back home, where thereafter i'd shoved the dvd gift to P. He was delighted, and I was too. He loved (i hope) the gift. yeay!!

After waiting for a good 20 minutes in the car in front of my house, midnite came. He kissed me happy birthday, and told me that he loves me. I reciprocate the same in return (the kiss and 'i love you', not the wishing of happy birthday), and went inside the house. I felt deprived, amidst me feeling amorous and wanting to just do it with my sweetie. *sigh* yet again!

At home, loads and loads of smses came in wishing me Happy Birthday. Thank you to all who've wished me, and I am so happy to have u guys as a friend/colleague/family member. The best sms was from P....

"I'm already home. Happy Birthday! I love you...... *mwah* *mwah* *mwah* *mwah* *mwah*

I love you too, baby!

Oh yeah, and i also love Andrew Leci's 'Once Removed'. It's hillarious! Am enjoying the book now as I'm writing this entry. Only managed to finish 1/4 of the book, and looking forward to more of 'em!!

The bouquet at the office (amidst the law books and stack of files)

The bouquet @ home

Pretty, right? thank u baby

Oh yeah, the stalk of rose that I got @ Ciao (courtesy of Ciao, of course!)

Is this how longing feels like?

I am in a state between depression, sadness, longing, madness. Everything bottled up in one and are felt at the same time.

I miss someone so badly. Someone who calls me 'weirdo' and 'geek' ever so often.

Someone who finds my likes and dislikes fascinating.

Someone who thinks that I am oblivious to who I am as a person, but yet still finds me attractive knowing that I am just that.

Someone who thinks that the word 'geek' and 'hot' can go hand in hand.

In me missing, I realised that sometimes the things that you don't have, are the things that you long for.....

I wish that someone the best in life, and I pray that fate brings me closer to that someone in the future.

For the time being, I am blessed having the people that I love and sayang around me.......

The one person that I can't live without.......

where I can just be me around him...

My favourite mistake

my critic

Always and always.......

I can't also live without my family.... My life

Who made me who I am today.......

P/s: Geek...... If only time was on our side!!

Errkk!!

Hate hate hate my arms!!!!!! Arghhh!!!!!

Erk!

It's already February and know what I'm feeling now?

I feel fatter and bigger! And apart from me being happy with the whole situation around me, I am not at all impressed with this feeling of fatness!

My mum commented this morning about me being 'bigger' ever since i joined the gym. Though a bit pissy about it, I must admit that I do feel big. Hmmm... So much for wanting to lose weight and toning my already humongous arms! *sigh*. I am so sad now.

But I guess every problem definitely has its solutions. So in order to not be so bummed out with my pathetic state (especially since my big birthday is just around the corner. eeek!!), I have decided to just not eat like a pig, and resort to protein diet for the time being. (Ok, I can see loads of disapproval looks from you lots, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!!).

Been complaining about my arm getting bigger to P, in which his reply was for me to actually measure my 'big' arms to see if it is true that it's getting bigger.

I just don't know why, I was pissy about the suggestion too. It might be the way he suggested it (intonation of voice and all), OR it might be that the response i got from him was not the kind of response i was expecting!

What I really wanted was some comfort words like, 'Don't worry babes. We'll try to determine the cause of it', OR, 'Really? I didn't notice that. You might be imagining things. Let's just try it again but this time we'll try to eliminate things that might make the arms bulk up like you claim them true'.

Arghh!! I just need some kind of understanding in all this.

But after whining and complaining to my trainer, this was what he said....

'It might be that you have more male hormone level that made you bulk up'

'Are you sure those (referring to the fatty arms) are really fat in there? It might be that you're building muscles'

'But seriously, people would think that you're a trainer just by looking at your body'

Another 'arghhh!!'......

I don't want all that bull****! What I want is for me to just lose weight (overall and also at my arms!! I hate them).

Bought L-carnitine and chlorella, and also magnesium and calcium supplements for meself yesterday. Hope to see results.

Oh yeah.

Only drank Milo for breakfast.

Go figure........

P/s : I need new court shoes!! Mine's stinky and got holes on it already

=(

February's here...

Here I am sitting in my stuffy room at the office, trying to finish off work and at the same time desperately needing at least a hint of fresh air. This is what I hated most about my current firm. The a/c will automatically be turned off at 5.30 pm. Sharp. Sometimes earlier. But never later. So much for centralised air conditioning huh?

Time and time again I have reminded myself to buy a cute sizeable rotating fan to compensate for the lack of air circulation come 5.30pm. Never did manage to get my lazy bum into gear. And hence the fan never did come into the picture. For the moment at least.

And yeap.

February's here.... *sigh*

I received a call from one of P's friend this morning. He wanted to know about the whole divorce proceeding, and how to go about doing it. Clearly he just had another fight with his wifey (whom by the way, I know really well), and clearly, the same cycle of words were being thrown (abusive and non-abusive ones) at each other that resulted in him calling me up (yet again) for the same advice that he did seek 2 months earlier. Trying to be a concerned friend, I told him to just have some time alone, and to discuss later with the wifey in order to come to terms with whatever differences they're having at this point of time.

He didn't think talking and trying to work things out was the best solution after all (either he was determined to end the marriage, or he was still pissy about the whole incident. I would love to think that it was the latter).

This is the thing about relationships. As I have said earlier on (and I do still believe it until now), there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

I have yet to encounter couples who are so madly in love with each other (save for those that I see in movies or 'lala' land), nor have i encountered any specimen of a being who is really head over feet(!) with their significant half the minute they know that their other half is so madly in luvvvvv with them.

Never.

I just don't know why. Might be the ego that we have inside us.

Might also be that most of us have stopped trying too hard in relationships so as to not get hurt.

This time however, I would like to vouch for the former.


This is the thing.

I have been in a few relationships, each different and unique in its own way.

Because as everyone is well aware, none of us are the same. Each individual has it's strength, and also weaknesses.

And this is another thing when it comes to a person's strength and weakness.

Either you accept both of the two, OR u choose to make a big fuss over it.

And most of the time when you're in love, you would tend to close one eye and accept the person for who he or she is. Flaws and all. This is the most fundamental aspect that you need to first establish in order to move forward in a relationship.

Some people lie to themselves and say, 'yes I love him/her. It doesn't matter what he/she is, I would love him/her til the end'.

Whilst some people would be too arrogant and bastard/bitchy enough to say 'I don't like his/her flaw. It irks me to bits. Might as well end it here and go look for the perfect one'.

And you know the irony of it all?

In both of the situations, neither would win.

Because you know why?

Nobody's perfect. And that's a fact that no one can rebut at the end of the day.

but you know one thing that would make the relationship work? (And this is so true and I bet everyone would agree with me on this).

Be with someone that you can have a conversation with.

Someone that you can have a healthy debate with (without later having to go to bed angry). Someone who you could laugh out loud with. Someone who understands you. Someone who has the same level of intellectual as yours.

Because let's face it. When all of that lust and all of that hot and heavy feeling's gone, what else is there for the both of you?

The wonderful art of communication!! Where you share all the love and joy, and not forgetting the pain and sorrow that you shall encounter together as a couple.

Untill the end.

Oh yeah, and please don't forget another essential part of a relationship.

RESPECT.

~~

Jakarta, Jakarta

It was the much needed trip that i have longed for. Amidst the chaotic surrounding and also the unendless workload that's starting to take the best out of me, I have managed to squeeze a holiday trip to Jakarta on the 24th til the 27th last week. Though a bit reluctant at first to proceed with the trip as scheduled (for reasons I need not mention here), in a way, I was glad that I did jump into the plane bound for the metropolitian city.

And guess what really made the trip worthwhile in the end?

Me receiving this from P at the airport (you're such a darling, sweetie!):-

The Gift that was a surprise (tucked neatly inside P's bonnet for me to discover)

Things that I love most about Jakarta :-

the heavenly massages~ the satisfying 'lulur' session~ the fresh fruit juices ('apokat', soursop, coconut, anything you want, u have it here!) ~ es teler!~ the 'kerupuk udang' ~ cheap dvds ~ funky dresses and tops ~ dazzling accessories ~ cheap handbags!! ~ nasi padang ~

Things that irritated me about Jakarta :-

'macet' (traffic jam) ~ dusty roads (you can't even walk by the roadside ) ~

Besides having the much needed rest, I have also managed to get some alone time for myself (although I must say that wasn't that much of a 'alone,me time' trip to begin with). Evaluating and reevaluating. Thinking about what is and what is not. And being happy about things, whether it is beyond my control or vice versa.

Am a bit tired. Will post again real soon. In the meantime, here are some pics taken in Jakarta. The one that I loved most are the pics taken at the Safari Indonesia @ Bogor.

Me and sis in front of Hard Rock Cafe Jakarta

In front of the water fountain @ our hotel

On the way to Mangga Dua, in Pak Poni's 'taksi'

With Totti, the cutesy 5 month old baby Orang Utan

With the Leopard that was growling the whole time the pic was taken

Jakarta, Jakarta!! Will come for a visit again. Definitely.