Where Cookie's Bit Crumble: Tagged : I'm tired of everything

It's 30 minutes past midnite. After several hours of continuous sleep the whole day yesterday, I could not even get to lay my head on the pillow for a doze.. It's Monday morning by the way. Yeap, I spent the whole Sunday sleeping and doing nothing fruitful. And all that because of the medication that i took to relieve my dear self from the cough, sore throat and also flu that kept on bugging me since last week. So here I am, not being able to sleep, hence forcing myself to write something in here..

I have been postponing putting up an entry in this blog for quite some time. Just waiting for the right moment before getting down to business, hehe... Guess this is the right time then, huh?

Life so far has been ...... full of downs rather than ups.

I have been constantly swarmed with negative feelings, most of them I can't comprehend. Most of the time, I'll be sitting in a corner and cry. And after all those episodes, I just realised that deep down in my heart, I am not happy.

All this while, I have been faking smiles after smiles. Truth is, I am not happy at all.

I am holding grudges, resentment, frustration and also anger not only to myself, but to everyone that matters most to me.

I had an episode again just now. Waking up and staring at the watch, I realised that i had been moping all day in my room. And then, I started to cry all over again. I cried for a good 30 minutes. God! This is so depressing. I am sick of being in this kind of state.

I just want change. Change for the better. But yet, in me wanting to achieve change, I am afraid of change altogether. Is this normal? Can I even have those two contradictory feelings side by side. Like, 15 minutes of wanting, and another 15 miutes thereafter of fearing?

Life is so full of mysteries. I just hope that one day I would be able to know what is best for myself.

Aside from me experiencing 'cuckoo-ness' phase, a lot of things happened since i last posted an entry. For one, there's Hannah's birthday party that the family organised successfully, (i must say). Then there's the Sunburst Festival in which i got free tix from p's sis, khad (thanks babe). Managed to only watch The Roots and also John Legend (in which these were the only two acts that I wanted to watch, and no one else).

Then there's me having one friday off and venturing into KL city centre with P. Fun, huh??

I will post soon. In the meantime, here are some pics. Oh yeah, pardon my chubbiness, hahaha... am sooooo fat now!! will need to diet asap, erk!!!!

*muahss*