My Becoming

I like this picture.

Reason : Cos it looks nice. And I look happy.

Truth is, I was GENUINELY happy that day.

The fact that I have everyone I adore and love around me. It beats getting high on nicotine or drugs, heheheh.....

But somehow I was a bit dissapointed yesterday.

Seemed like the one I really love is avoiding whatever plan that I have for the holidays with him.

I felt so used. And stupid.

And for a while I thought to myself :-

"This is MY reason for living, and yet he does not seem to think that I am HIS to begin with".

I ended up waking at 430 a.m., tossing and turning and thinking to myself yet again.

This is crazy. This has to end!

Whether the way I want it to or otherwise, I just can't go through this anymore.

But tell me : How do you let go of someone so precious to you??

This is me. Look at me. I want you to love me. I want you to need me. I want you to tell me that I am your everything.

I don't want you to say : 'Whatever'.

I don't want you to even say : 'See la how'.

I don't want you to give up on me.

A lot of 'I don't wants' here, I know.

But sometimes, those 'I don't wants' are actually what I want at this point. So please. Think of what I want for a change.

*sob*sob*